That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
