you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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