i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
