it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
