Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
