If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
