Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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