you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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