My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
