The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
