I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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