I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
