The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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