There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
