Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize