babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
