No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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