my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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