I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
