She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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