after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
