So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize