I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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