My balls are so social today.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
