you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
