i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
