You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Your dad touched me again.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
