I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
