Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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