When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
