I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
