You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I've blown a few things in my day
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Pants are for mortals
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
