I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
