We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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