Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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