Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
