she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
