if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
