there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
