I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Let's paint friendship bongs
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize