take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
