chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
