i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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