I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
