At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
