My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
