Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
