just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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