Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
