At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
