Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We are all done wearing pants today
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
