so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
