Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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