32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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