we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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