you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
