I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
