So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
