So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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