dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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