i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i came on her dog
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
