Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
