I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
