woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
