i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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