hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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