Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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