The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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