What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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