none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
