I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize