He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
