I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
