White coat. Heels.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You made out with two different species that night
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize