we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
