So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
