They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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