I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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