Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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