"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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