in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
As shirtless as possible
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
