we have pet lesbian snakes
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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