My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
