3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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