There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
