I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
